Tired of Sorry

18 November 2025

Tired of Saying “Sorry”

I was at a meeting with other Australians the other day and one woman decided that she wanted to share with the group that she was, “tired of saying sorry to Aboriginals.” I fought my urge to respond sarcastically and searched for the words useful in the context, as I felt strong emotion want to take over.

Former Wrongs

People who think they are tired of discussing injustices are generally the people to whom these injustices did not happen. The wrongs you think of as former are still happening. When families are destroyed, there are transgenerational effects.

For thousands of years, Aboriginal Australians had structures for dealing with everything from family to conflict. That is, they had culture. We came in and undermined their societies and there are lasting effects.

The Aggressor Doesn’t Get to Decide

When the historic aggressors (white Australians, in this case) get tired of hearing about former wrongs, they don’t get to shift the subject. The issue is when the victims are ready to end a conversation about those things done to them - not when you are ready to move on. Restoration and repair don’t happen that way. You trying to force the end of someone else’s suffering is you continuing the control that started the suffering in the first place.

Current Wrongs

The wrongs have not ended. During my response to the woman in question, I remarked that, “When I arrived in Australia and stepped off the plane, I had more rights than people who had been here for 40,000 years.” There are systemic patterns in place that keep me as a white person dominant in Australia. This is a current acting out of the wrongs of the past. I have privileges that I shouldn’t necessarily have, just because I am not Aboriginal Australian.

If I was like this woman, I could have said something like, “I arrived in Australia in 1996, so I am not responsible for those attrocities!” The reality is, however, that as a white Australian, I share in the benefits of what was done to others. I also share in the responsibility.

Making Things Right

Do you want to make things right? Stop telling victims that they should move on. Try to understand in some small way the suffering and struggles they have endured. Look for ways to help another person.

You do not get to say when the conversations should end.

I am sorry.

May all beings know peace!